My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
