We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
