so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
