id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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