if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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