I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
