I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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