just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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