Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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