The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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