I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
