First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The best revenge is premature balding
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
