no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
