babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
