you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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