I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
