Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
