guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
