I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
