Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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