Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
