I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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