I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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