And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
