Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
