I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Say something about gay babies.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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