i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
