HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
