i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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