if only i could text you this smell
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
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