you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
