direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
