If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
