the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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