honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
