I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
