I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
