You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
