Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize