I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
