first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
