i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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