OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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