I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
