I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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