is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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