Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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