Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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