Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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