So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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