Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My liver just had a heart attack.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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