why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
