how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
