If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
