Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize