More tranny stories later!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
