Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
