just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
