You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
