Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
