Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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