pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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