I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
