so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
