My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
