i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
