Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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