Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
